Can We Be Honest For A Second?

There's this myth that you have to love every piece of yourself in order to experience self-love. That you need to love every inch of your body in order to have body confidence.

But there's harm that comes with that line of thinking. We can fall into a deadly trap of self-denial when we are expecting to love every piece of ourselves. We become afraid to look at the ways we show up in our lives. We are afraid to see parts of ourselves that aren't so beautiful. We are afraid to accept the fact that we gained 30 pounds. We don't want to admit that we are oftentimes self-centered or critical of others. Or that we can be spoiled and short-tempered. Whatever it is, we don't look at it. Instead, we project it onto the people around us. They did this to me, they are so critical, they are incredibly judgmental. Well, how are you all of those things as well?

Self-acceptance requires radical courageous honesty.

And when you aim for self-acceptance, it brings an unshakeable power. Because when you know who you are, no one can take away your power. You will feel sad. You will feel anger. You will feel hurt, of course. But you won't be taken down. You will rise. You will thrive. You will use those situations to help you get back up again.

I'm a coach and a leader. I inspire people to experience joy and bring play into their lives. I'm empathic, patient, courageous and vulnerable. And I am also stubborn, timid, impatient and judgmental. I am all of these things. And in all of these things, I know my core. I know my values. And I know my intent is good.

We are all looking to feel whole. What we don't realize is we are already whole right now, we just need to see that wholeness encompasses all.

Seeing your wholeness,

Miracles + Ice Cream + Abercrombie Jeans

Yesterday in yoga class, the instructor guided us to think of what we were grateful for. In the middle of cat and cow pose, I decided to listen to her and I searched my mind for what I was most grateful for in that moment.

My aparment? Yep, but not what I will focus on. My health? Yep but nope. My parents? Of course but not the thing. Hmm...what else? Miracles! Yes, yes. A Course In Miracles. That's what I'm grateful for. It is the bedrock of my spiritual practice and therefore my life. Mmmm I am so grateful for those teachings.

The teacher guides us to fill our bodies up with the joy we experience when we feel into the gratitude for what we've chosen to focus on. I laughed to myself. While I love A Course in Miracles for the tools and freedom and sanity it brings to me each and every day, I am not filled up with joy by it.

So I ask myself once more, what am I most grateful for that brings me joy? Immediately I see an image of a soft-serve vanilla ice cream cone covered with rainbow sprinkles, half-melting and incredibly delicious. And yes, I am filled with joy from the memories this image brings to me. Being treated to ice cream by my dad after my rec softball games, enjoying a cone with the whole family at the Dairy Queen stand the night before I left for overnight camp, and with friends after middle school in late June, feeling so cool that I was wearing my new Abercrombie jean shorts and buying an ice cream cone without my parents present. Epitome of cool, right?

When I let the joy and pleasure of the ice cream cone and its accompanying memories take over, another layer of gratitude came over me. I became so grateful for the ice cream cone and the other food that soothed me during a time in my life when I felt incredibly alone and had no other soothing mechanisms. Ice cream and pretzels and pizza allowed me to feel my body, to feel full, to feel like I was being hugged from the inside out. I remember coming home from school and feeling so uncomfortable in myself that I would grab a bag of pretzel rods and plop on the couch and watch TV. I didn't know how to cope with the feelings I was experiencing. And this is why I thank God for emotional eating. Thank God for ice cream. Thank God for pretzels. Thank God for healing. This is forgiveness, this is gratitude.

There's this quote that I have shared with you by Geneen Roth, that I absolutely love, "We don't want to EAT hot fudge sundaes as much as we want our lives to BE hot fudge sundaes. We want to come home to ourselves."

Yes, yes, yes. We can make our lives be as freakin' awesome as hot fudge sundaes and that's what we really are wanting when we are craving that. But as we do, let's not deny ourselves the pleasure of eating the hot fudge sundaes!!

I share this story with you because it was profound for me. It helped me see again, the miracles that occur when we show up each and every day wanting to see the Truth. And I want to remind you, that this is six years on my spiritual path. I am still a baby but each and every day more is revealed to me. It takes courage but it's profound and I believe as individuals, when we embark to heal our wounds, the planet shifts because the planet's wounds are being healed and we can collectively make massive change. From the inside out.

If there is something in you that is saying that you can no longer be disconnected and at war with your body and you are done hating on yourself every single time you eat (which is more often than you'd like to admit), I have opened time in my calendar for 3 deep dive mentoring sessions. I will be opening up an application process in a few weeks to join my 6-month 1-1 mentorship program (only 5 spaces will be opened) but if you know you are sick of feeling bad every time you get dressed and go to eat, and want a quick yet deep jumpstart, these deep dive mentoring sessions are for you.

Love you like woah,

Can You Depend on You?

"When you can't depend on yourself, that's the scariest place to be. Because if you can't depend on yourself, you can't depend on anyone else. And you're left completely helpless."

When one of my inspiring teachers, Patricia Moreno, shared this in her signature intenSati class, it blew me away. I'm totally paraphrasing because it was a while ago but what I saw when she said this was an image of myself floating in a black hole in outer space, in complete terror. Nothing to hold on to and no anchor or gravity to keep me in place.

I had a quantum shift in that moment because I knew she was right- that loneliness and separateness from Self is the scariest place to be. Because if we aren't anchored and trusting of ourselves, we have to desperately try to hold on to something. We try to obtain the perfect body, we seek validation from our partner, or we need constant gratification from our friends. But we never feel centered because we actually aren't.

I wanted to know what it would feel like to be able to depend on myself. To say I was going to do something and actually do it. Revolutionary, huh?

I first brought this to my fitness routine. I've said that I've wanted to get fit for thirteen years. Thirteen years of saying I want to work out and not showing up fully. Yes, I could share how exercise used to be self-punishment for me because it was, and I could share how I was dealing with my body not fully functioning due to dis-ease because it was, but that's actually not the full story. It's a piece of the story but not the whole. The bigger part of this was that I didn't believe that I could be so consistent in showing up for myself because I had created a story that having a consistent workout routine was extremely difficult and also militant. But what if it wasn't? What if my fitness routine could be used as a vehicle to simply to show my self and my body that I can depend on myself? That I am there for myself whenever. That I will show up during the beautiful and celebratory times and also the more difficult times. No matter what.

It's been 3 months since I've consistently showed up for my body and worked out at least 4 times a week. What's changed? I found a fierceness and confidence in myself that I didn't know existed. It forced me to be more thoughtful when I was making my plans (not just my workout plans, all plans) because I wouldn't want to have to bail. It made me look at what my priorities were in my life. And most importantly, I saw that when I commit to something 100%, it's actually easy. There's no choice in the matter and there's no wavering back and forth. There's just go, do, be! And this fierceness has now trickled out into every other area of my life: work commitments, friendships, boundaries, and dating. How you do one thing is how you do everything.

Think about this: is there something in your life that you truly desire but just keep hiding from or feel like you can't do? What comes to mind first is the place that, if you choose, you could decide to show up. You get to show up for you, not because someone else is telling you. But because you actually want to. 

I share this with you today to remind you that every time you don't do something you say you are going to do, you abandon yourself.

And the amazing thing is is that you get to choose again. You could erase eons of self-destruction in a moment of holy love. Could today be the day you choose to show up?

Because when you are anchored and centered in your Self, there is no stopping you. You can handle anything that comes your way and create anything you truly desire.

What's stopping you?

Fiercely cheering you on,